02 December 2009

Don't Wait Too Long To Talk About Elder Care

Indy Star




Through nearly 20 years working with the elderly, I've learned something profound. Most people don't fear dying -- they fear the aging process.

According to recent AARP survey, baby boomers are three times more worried about a having a major illness (48 percent) or winding up in a nursing home (48 percent) than about dying (17 percent). They're most concerned about becoming a financial, emotional or physical burden on their families.

The AARP also reports that 89 percent of survey respondents older than 50 want to stay in their own homes, surrounded by their lifetime possessions and comforting memories, for as long as possible. Over the past decade I've witnessed a growing trend to enable and accommodate seniors to stay in their own homes, rather than move into assisted-living facilities or nursing homes. Because there are so many questions around and fears about living situations for the elderly, I encourage my clients to plan well for the inevitable future.

In 2006, life expectancy at birth for the total population reached a record high of 78.1 years, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Thanks to modern medicine and personal attention to living healthier lifestyles, today we can expect to live a lot longer than previous generations. What we can't expect or take for granted is quality of life.

Diseases of the heart and cancer still account for nearly half of all deaths for those older than 65. Progressive diseases such as diabetes, respiratory illnesses and Alzheimer's also are becoming more prevalent contributors to mortality. This means our parents may struggle for years with a debilitating illness.

I encourage my elderly clients and their family members to have open, honest dialogues about lifestyle expectations -- and to talk about it early and often. Yes, it can be scary and uncomfortable at first. But it's much worse to wait for a health crisis and then try to assume what your loved one wants. I've seen this unfortunate situation time and time again.

Some questions you should discuss include: How and where does your loved one want to live when they need assistance at home? If they can stay in their home with home health-care nursing, aide or companion assistance, will there be adequate insurance or savings to pay for these services? How much does home care cost compared to assisted living? Would your loved one rather stay with you or another family member?

If you're just too uncomfortable initiating or having the discussion with your parent, suggest having the discussion facilitated by a family friend or a clergyman. Another great resource is a geriatric care adviser. Usually a registered nurse, this professional helps seniors and their families through the complexities of aging; this can include everything from organizing medical information to coordinating care in a crisis. Also, be sure to talk to a financial planner about finances as well as long-term care and life insurance programs.

Since 1980, deaths from Alzheimer's disease have doubled with projected diagnoses expected to climb to 42.3 million by 2020. It's as good a time as any to start a conversation with your aging parent to help them -- and you -- face fears straight on and gain a little peace of mind about the future.

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